N412 Nevers
N412 Nevers
2012?-2025
Mixed media installation: Dried Japanese knotweed, mixed media on wood panels, small booklets made with found papers, archival ink prints, color pencil on mylar, collage on paper, found library catalog card, and found tag
Dimension flexible (shown here as almost 6ft long)
These paintings, drawings, tiny booklets, scraps of papers, and some found papers and dried Japanese knotweed have been in my studio for many years, and perhaps decades for some of them. They remained unresolved but I was unable to part with them.
My father passed away in January of 2025. I was back home in Japan for two months from December through February. My mother, sister, and I took care of him at home during his last 21 days. The time we spent with him in those days was intimate and intensely loving, but filled with dread and sadness for his impending death (he had pancreatic cancer and decided not to go through any treatment at the age of 88.) It was also the happiest time. We made the most of it. We danced and sang together even though he was bed ridden. His eyes sparkled as he danced with his arms and hands. He made many jokes and made us laugh. He told us how happy he was.
After his death, I went to the rice paddy fields and looked up the sky often to talk to him. I also looked at the river and thought about the space I inhabit, which is on earth. But my mind often went to the sky, looking up and searching for something.
After the funeral and taking care of the necessary paperwork for my mother, I returned from Japan. Then, I began gathering these unresolved pieces and looked at them. To this day, I cannot tell you what made me decide to work/rework on them. I painted and made new drawings. They all came somewhat naturally, and I began assembling them together. One piece led to another, and I found an old library card catalog with the typed text, N412 Nevers.
It dawn on me that this is a self-portrait in the making. The number that is significant to me (my birthday is 4/12) and my initial N with “Nevers” next to it.
Between the water and the sky. Here I exist because of my parents.
After my father’s death, I didn’t know what I wanted to make in the studio right away, but it didn’t take much time until I noticed potential objects, and I believe, until my father made me see.
This is not complete, as it will always be in the “making.” But after making this itineration in my studio, I packed everything and stored away, and began a new project titled “We are” for the MassQ Ball event that was scheduled for October of that year.